I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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