Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
