He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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