Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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