The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
