I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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