I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
