Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
