I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
