Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
