So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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