do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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