their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
