Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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