Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
