so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
