Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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