I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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