I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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