I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
