Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
