I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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