One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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