if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
