You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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