I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
