evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
