He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
