I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
