my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Randomize
