There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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