I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
