it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
