Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he thought i was a dude.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
