can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
