he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
