Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
