You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
