doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
