I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
