you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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