There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
