I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I didn't notice because vodka
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
