On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
