I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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