I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
