Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
