On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
