i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
