Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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