Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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